Mom Should Wear Her Sweater

Last week was cold. Here in Southern Maine we experienced our lowest recorded temperatures in six years. When I met my parents at a local diner for lunch last Thursday it was windy and bone chillingly cold. Dad had his sweater on but under her coat my Mom was wearing only a short-sleeved shirt.  As I took her arm to help out of the car and into the restaurant, I asked where her gloves were. She told me they were in her coat pocket but she didn’t need them. She said she was fine.
Fine is, of course, a relative term. It was chillier then usual inside as we sat in the booth. The rest of us removed our coats and hung them up on hooks. Mom slipped her arms out of hers but pulled it loosely around her shoulders.

“Are you cold, Mom?”

 “No, I’m fine.”

And, you know, she was.  She was fine. We had a nice lunch and no harm whatsoever resulted from the lapse.  It just made me incredibly sad to realize that she is no longer aware enough to take note of and plan for the weather.   I spoke to my father about how Mom should wear her sweater when it’s so cold. Of course, he knows and he tries. He does remind her to dress more appropriately, to wear her sweater, to wear a warmer coat, but she just won’t. She says she’s fine.

 My mother’s memory began to fail several years ago now. Damn, but even as I type those words I feel like a liar. A user of euphemisms. An avoider of harsh truths.  What has been happening to my mother goes far beyond a little forgetfulness.  It’s insidious. It’s relentless. And it’s getting worse. Yet, through it all she’s been fine. She’s fairly happy and she constantly reminds us all how lucky we are.

It’s funny but the more my Mom slips away from me, the more I remember the things she always told me, those little life lessons she taught me. One thing she held strongly to and tried to instill in me was what I like to call suburban stoicism. No matter what life throws at you, keep your head held high and don’t complain. It was her own  version of “Never let them see you sweat” and it was imperative. It was the right thing to do. I guess, it still is.
 So, please understand I’m not complaining. We’re all fine here. I just wish it would warm up or that Mom would wear her sweater.

So What Does Barb Say?

Welcome to my new blog, So Barb Says. The name says it all. I really do have  lot to say and I want to say it here. My first blog, You Need a Helmet, has a specific point of view and that is to complain about the idiotic things that baffle and frustrate us as we go along. The description spells that out with "Think of me as your cranky aunt." But, hey, even though this may surprise some of you, I'm not always cranky.

There are many things that interest me now. I teach. I take pictures. I research the family tree. Should I blog about my work? Most days probably not. The boss may be reading. Should I create a photography blog? Well, I'm not behind my camera often enough. Besides I don't have the time for hours of editing and a lot of my pictures suck. Okay so, how about a genealogy blog? Nah, that's too narrow a topic and some days trying to clear up the mysteries of my family's distant past just gives me a headache. I need more flexibility but I can't commit to multiple accounts.

I also really enjoy posting on Facebook and Twitter. Most days I can muster up a status and/or a tweet or two. Some of them are even entertaining if I do say so myself. Should I try my hand at microblogging? That sounds like fun. Quick. To the point. Spit it out and you're done. But some things require more attention. Not everything can be so wittily or simply expressed. Again I need more flexibility and I hope to find it here..

This is my spot , my blogspot, where I can do any and all of the above. There's no specific point of view or focus. Like the rest of you, I just want to have my say. So what does Barb say today? Life is short, complicated and full of wonder. At 61 I am at a place where I feel I can look back and look ahead with what I view as a healthy perspective. Of course, I hope you'll subscribe so you can disagree with that very bold statement. I hope you'll  become a reader so you can comment and keep the conversations going.  I hope you'll stay tuned and I thank you  for listening.

Another Day with the Gov'ner

This one has been in the draft stages since the first week in December  I wanted to calm down a bit before launching into a political  rant, but time hasn't done much to heal this wound. It's also very difficult to write calmly about this guy's antics.



Paul R. LePage is my governor and I couldn't be more embarrassed by that fact. Perhaps you've heard of him. He has brought a lot of publicity to the great State of Maine and most,  if not all, of it has been negative. He campaigned on the promise of telling the president to go to hell. As soon as he "won" the election with a paltry 38% of the total vote, he gave his 22 year old daughter the high-paying job of  assistant chief of staff. Then there was the Martin Luther King Day snub where he said the NAACP could kiss his ass. And who can forget the  the women with little beards statement?  Then, let's see.  Hmm. There was the Department of Labor mural removal debacle. And? I'm sure I must be forgetting a few more gems, but that was just in his first year.

His second year has had it's crazy moments, too, but the point of this post is not to list all of the Gov'ner's failings and flubs as fun, yet incredibly time-consuming, as that might be. Fast forward to December 5, 2012, when I was a guest at the Swearing-In Ceremonies for the 126th Maine Senate.  It was Opening Day for the new legislature, a day typically filled with great anticipation, hope, pride and camaraderie   The program included a notice  of  a quorum to the governor and the house , remarks by the governor, administering of oaths, some ceremonial stoking of the fire (I didn't exactly get that part), and other fun stuff. It's important to note that families and friends were in attendance. It wasn't your typical state house work day and it should have been free of political bile. Someone should have told LePage that.

Oh, did I mention the part about the "stalker"? What stalker you ask. Well, the alleged stalker, spy, paparazzi, what have you that our governor believed was being paid by his opponents (think enemies) to dog  him. Remember this was the first day for the governor to welcome and look ahead to working with the newly constituted senate. Remember that family and friends were present and happy to share in a memorable moment. What did he say? Well, he didn't exactly say congratulations. He basically said call off this guy. You are being disrespectful. That's ironic. Oh, a picture is worth a thousand words. Here's the the video -

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What did you think of that? I hope you could hear him over the crying baby. Remember family and friends were present. It was a ceremonial event. Talk about disrespect. That old pot kettle thing. Man, we the people of this great state are in big trouble and, yes, we all need a helmet.

The Day Surgery Waiting Room

You definitely need a helmet or, at the very least, good ear plugs when you wait around at a hospital. As I sit here for the second time this month while my father has cataract surgery, the television is blasting an episode of Judge Joe Brown. Since I've never seen the program, I may not be qualified to evaluate, but I suspect this may be one of the most annoying shows in TV history. Bear in mind that is a very bold statement from someone who used to watch The Price is Right as a child.

This day surgery waiting room is quite unpleasant, but perhaps no worse than the eye surgeon's office where we spent several hours during the many preoperative visits. There we squeezed into a very large jammed packed area where patients wait to see one of two doctors in an elaborate winding path through multiple stopping points. The goal is to actually make it to the room where a real doctor sees you - for 3 to 4 minutes.  Yes, folks, it's runs like a factory and is just as impersonal.

Now we all know I'm cranky and impatient, but anyone would find this irritating. I also found it sad reflection on a health care system controlled by the insurance industry. The process has to run like a well-oiled machine or it can't run at all. On a positive note, my dad can see great now. Thanks for listening. Oh, and please spare me any more Judge Joe Brown.

What Must It Be Like?

Today I feel a little sick. It's probably just a touch of the flu, but  I feel tired, weak and dizzy. I had to pass on an early morning couponing excursion and a trip to the gym. I've been trying to do a few chores around the house but find myself having to sit down to rest every few minutes. Everything is a bit of a struggle. In short, I can't do what I want and need to do today. Poor, poor pitiful me? No, not at all. I will be fine, or as my mother says, "right as rain" in a day or two. So what's the point of all this? It made me think about people who live with chronic illnesses and who are not  able to simply bounce back after a little rest.

It made me think about what it must be like to be young and living with cystic fibrosis. To have the desire but not the energy to move through life with the zest and the passion you feel in your heart. To miss and worry about your young son and your husband when you have to be  hospitalized and away from them. To  need a double lung transplant at the time in life when most of us are healthy and strong with hopes and prospects for a bright future.

There is no way I could even begin to know how Aimee Driscoll feels, but I do know that we can help her and her family through the Second Chances Foundation. Please visit and like the page at http://www.facebook.com/2ndchancesfoundation  Please consider sending a donation and/or attending one of the foundation's fund-raising  events like the upcoming Halloween Masquerade Ball on Oct. 26th at the Ramada Inn in Lewiston.

Of course, I would love to see you all at our Couponing Workshop Tuesday, October 23rd at 6:00 PM at Kaplan University in Lewiston. Maureen Hopkins of 2012 - A Year in Coupons ( http://2012incoupons.blogspot.com/) will be talking about using coupons and taking advantage of store rewards to get the best deal possible on things you use every day. We will also be raffling off a fully-stocked coupon binder and a CVS gift card to jump start you on your couponing adventures!

If you can't attend, you can send checks made payable to Second Chances to Oxford Federal Credit Union, 225 River Rd., PO Box 252, Mexico, ME 042576.

Who Needs Sleep?

You really need a helmet when you agree to get up at 5:30 a.m. to go couponing with Maureen. This is especially true for Spring Ahead Weekend since 5:30 is really 4:30 in the morning. (No, you can't fool me and I'll still be subtracting an hour every time I look at a clock for the next week.) At any rate Maureen can be persuasive and I do enjoy the occasional Cadbury Egg for the stores involved, so I agreed.

We stumbled into the CVS store when it opened at 7 (really 6 remember) and I had my marching orders. "Go to the chip aisle and get four bags of Chex Mix." I started to hurry until I realized there was no one trying to elbow me out of the way, retrieved the loot, and awaited further instruction. Meanwhile Mo buzzed about filling a shopping cart while I yawned and checked in on Foursquare.

When checkout time came around, the Coupon Queen of Windham handed me two coupons and told me to use the $3.79 ECB (that's extra care buck for those of you not in the know) that I got the last time we  did this. Imagine my surprise when after all was added and subtracted the clerk said "That'll be 21 cents." I was so surprised that I giggled. How embarrassing!  Coupon assistants are not supposed to giggle, but my mentor should have better prepared me.

Still chuckling we headed to a second CVS store where I repeated the Chex Mix Magic and also got 36 rolls of toilet paper added in for about two dollars total. Hey, I just follow along, do as I'm told, and laugh a lot. If you want the details and the secrets, read Maureen's blog - 2012 - A Year in Coupons at http://2012incoupons.blogspot.com/

YouNeedaHelmet When You’re Working on Your Family Tree

Seeing all those television ads for ancestry.com got me thinking about my own family genealogy. Of course, I’m referring to that monumental project I worked on in the late 1970’s and hadn’t looked at for decades.  After navigating my way around the web site, I decided to rummage through the basement to find my musty boxes of photographs, ephemera and notes.

Here are a few long forgotten things I found:

I also found hand-written notes and amazing photographs from as far back as the 1880's.

Who entrusted me with all these treasures and when? Thank goodness I kept those tired, well-worn boxes with me through all my many moves. I've spent the last three days just totally absorbed. I hope I can finally honor that trust now. I'm going to finish what I started in 1977. Wish me luck, and, of course, I'll keep you posted.